"We Are..." a lot of things.

My feelings and responses to the events that have befallen us, in three parts:

Tuesday, November 15, 2011 – in class

I’m deeply saddened by the recent allegations, the scandal, surrounding Penn State.  My school.  My university.  The emotions conjured throughout this past couple weeks are mixed for me, as they seem to be for everyone.

Sadness

Disruption

Greed

Longing

Incomprehensible

Disgust

Depression

Corruption

Controversy

Embarrassment

            How did this happen?

            This has been a huge disturbance in the lives of anyone affiliated with the name that was once held so dearly, State, Penn State.

            For me, this week has been a whirlwind.  From the first streams of information leaked, the accusations stirring and leading to the conflicts that conjured the riots, the arguments among fellow students and friends, the feelings of denial, deception, embarrassment seeping through each and everyone one of us.

            Is the storm over?  I don’t think so.  The hurricane is just reaching land.  We have to weather the storm before we can even begin to approach the aftermath, before we can heal.

            Something strange to me is that I would choose now to spend my longest length of time away from home, and stay here amid all of this chaos.  Three weeks I’ve been here, suffering through the heartbreak we’ve all been branded with.  Three weeks it has been since I’ve held my boyfriend’s hand, hugged my mom, or laughed with my sisters.  I’ve barely talked to them about all of this.  It’s one of those things.  How do you convey these feelings to someone completely outside the “Penn State bubble”? A text, or phone call, just can’t really portray the ordeal and its effects accurately. It’s like we’re worlds apart.

            I couldn’t be more ready for a break from this place.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011 – at home

            I’m thinking of all that’s happened since I’ve been home last.  So much is changing.  At school obviously, at home too. There’s been a shift in the mood on campus.  An alteration has developed in my connectedness with others, even those I love most.  Loneliness has settled in and feels like it’s staying.

            The feeling of campus is off somehow.  As if the scandal dimmed the lights on the place called Happy Valley.  Is it because we are ashamed for the man who was once revered at our school, the man who has committed heinous crimes against children?  Is it because we are upset that a legend was dismissed before his time?  Is it because children were hurt, and our name is branded all over it? Or is it because we are upset at those who did not take action?  Because they stood by as numerous more children were abused?  Are we upset because one single man has changed the fate, the lives, the feelings, the pride, and the meaning of so many people? Maybe.

            I’m upset for many reasons, some as listed above.  For example, I’m upset that children were hurt.  I’m upset that we are all branded with the name of an institution that allowed someone to ruin lives. I’m upset that students chose to support a man whom did nothing to stop the abuse. I’m upset about more than the scandal.  I’m upset at how everything was handled and the effects we will pay, as well as the victims.  We’re all victims in this, yet we must not forget who the first victims of this man were.

            Everything lately just feels different.  Maybe it’s all the changes in my life.  Coming to college, leaving home, leaving behind everyone I’ve ever known and loved, retaining those relationships, making so many decisions, changing myself, adapting to life here, figuring out who I am, or rather who I want to be, and the list goes on with the scandal to top it all off. All of those things have been quickly occurring in my life within the past 3 months or so.  I’m drained.  I’m dreading school in a few days.  I need a break from talking about this, I need a break from my own life.

Monday, November 28, 2011 – Today

            In response to the several pieces that my instructor, Sheila, provided to experience different perspectives of people affected by this situation:

            Dave Housley’s Notes from Inside a Burst Bubble: On the Ground in State College, PA was one of the best pieces I have read involving this entire situation.  He gave insight into what it’s like, coming from a person residing in State College.  I loved how he explained how integrated the community becomes in the people that live here, even by accident.  He did this through the example of his young son knowing the “We Are Penn State” chant, when it wasn’t even taught to him.  As Housley states “This is how football – how Penn State — gets into your blood around here.”  For me, football isn’t a big deal, and it certainly isn’t in my blood, but I like the way Dave Housley is explaining that even so, Penn State itself gets into your blood, simply by you being here.  I have to agree.  Even if I don’t feel the football fascination or the JoePa crazed obsession, I still feel something by being a Penn State student.  It’s as if when I arrived, I became a part of this place, as if no matter where I go in life, I’ll always be a Penn Stater, a Nittany Lion, something I never was before.

            Something else I found unique about Housley’s writing was that he incorporated positive things he likes about Penn State, even some little things that are overlooked.  He listed things that I didn’t know happened here, and that was brilliant.  To incorporate the positives of a place that feels so corrupted right now is really moving.  My favorite section of this piece is the end, where Dave brings up the Occupy Wall Street movement to compare us using the 99% vs. the 1%.  He finishes up with this, “I’m still proud to be here, and I know most others are, as well. The less than one percent who allowed this to happen here can’t change that. They’ve made it a different feeling, though – harder, complicated, blue and white with some gray areas, which is probably how it always really was anyway.”  I couldn’t agree more. 

I guess for now, we just need to move forward and hope to work our way out of that gray area.

Expectations

A few days ago, on Thursday November 10, 2011, I attended Dave Housley’s reading in the Chambers Building.  I really had no specific expectations for the event because I had never actually been to a writer’s reading.  Basic questions, What will he read? How many people from our class will actually show up?, filled my thoughts beforehand.  I texted a friend from the class and asked if she would be attending, she was, so we walked together.  We arrived pretty early, and besides one guy, the room was empty.  Definitely one thing I was not expecting.  Soon after though, the room was filling up as the minutes moved closer to 7:30.  Sheila, my English instructor, was soon there and talked to us.  Several others from the class also piled in.  Dave Housley was quite an attractive man if you ask me and seemed to have a great personality, making for a nice, humorous, much-needed atmosphere to spend my evening within.

I was pleased with the atmosphere, the readings, the presence of everyone in the room and the night overall.  It was a new experience and one that I am thankful for having, attending my first reading.  Right off the bat, the atmosphere was funny.  The guy who introduced Dave (Forgive me, I can see his face but cannot remember his name!) also had an obvious air about him that allowed everyone to simply relax.  To my surprise we got a free literary magazine! I hadn’t expected that, but am glad that we did, I’ve already been reading it.  Dave introduced his book Ryan Seacrest is Famous and you may call me crazy but I have seen that book before! I believe it was in the Penn State Bookstore in the HUB, but Dave didn’t announce that as a place where we could purchase it.  I’m definitely confused on that one!  Either way, we got a taste of the book.  My best description would be funny and random, very random.  Maybe if I read the entire thing or knew more about Dave, the subject matter would relate, but I found each of the stories to be different and really good.  He read two shorter pieces and a longer one.  The first thing I had to get over was that even though he was reading in the first person, it wasn’t “him” speaking as the character in the story, at least I didn’t think so, cause he’s not missing a finger?  Anyways, I had initially listened as if he were the character talking, making for a very humorous experience seeing that some of the content being read and the fact that his parents were in the same room, should not mix, if indeed it were about himself.  Hilarious.  I could not stop laughing at some parts, and I couldn’t help but glance around to others to see their reactions as well.  I definitely enjoyed the Princess and the Frog story, very heartfelt and still humorous.  I will admit that one expectation I did have was for the reading to be longer, it was much shorter than I had planned for, and I actually wished it had been longer at the time.  I was content in that room, with those people, in that moment.  In the most disastrous weeks in my life here at Penn State so far, I had one of the best experiences.  Who would have thought?

Attending Dave Housley’s reading has really opened me up to the idea of becoming more enveloped in the world of literature.  It’s intriguing through both readings and literary magazines.  I can’t wait to attend another, hopefully Sheila’s!  English has become a new, intriguing subject for me, that I’m considering pursuing as an area of interest, perhaps someday a major.

Oh, and one more thing, I actually did know who Jerry Garcia was, thanks to my sister the once “Dead Head” you might say who used to have a 9 fingered Jerry Garcia Doll, guitar and all, that I thought was so funny to play with when I was little.  Thanks sissy, and to Dave, I got the reference and the humor.

Kiss me goodbye, Kate!

The musical, Kiss Me, Kate, that we attended as a class this past weekend was one that I did not know what to expect of.  I had never heard much about the play so I wasn’t sure what it was really even about other than it was a musical.  I love musicals and I love to go see them being performed live, however I must admit that Kiss Me, Kate was not one of my favorites.

I do not wish to say that it was a “bad” musical or unentertaining, but rather it just did not fit my tastes as well as others I have seen.  It did not capture my attention in the ways that others have.  I enjoyed it as an assignment but I would not wish to see it on my own time again.  I did however enjoy the idea of the play within a play.  It was a little confusing at first to distinguish between what the characters were supposed to be portraying in The Taming of the Shrew and the actors themselves in Kiss Me, Kate.  It became more evident as the show went on and we became identified with the different roles of the characters.  I did enjoy the beautiful voices and dancing especially.  The musical had a lot of humor and made for an enjoyable experience but I became bored and found myself anxiously checking the program to see how many songs were left, perhaps the 3 hours seemed like a stretch, like overkill.

Other musicals that I have had the pleasure of seeing live are Wicked, twice on Broadway in New York City, The Lion King, Annie, and In the Heights, all three of which were on tour for Broadway in surround cities.  I have seen numerous other musicals put on by smaller companies or schools, such as Fiddler on the Roof, Arabian Nights, etc.  I have seen many Disney classic musicals performed in Disney World including The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast.  Musicals have always been something I’m drawn too, I love everything about them, the acting, singing, dancing, the sets, plots and storylines, everything!  I have watched them on video as well, such as Rent.

I love the musical-theatre genre and most of the ones I named above are my favorites, especially Wicked and The Lion King.  Both are phenomenal and I would definitely see them again and again if I could.  I also love the atmosphere of seeing a show on Broadway in NYC.  It is an unforgettable experience that everyone interested in the arts should have.  More than just the show, the entire city adds a feeling that makes the entire trip feel worthwhile.  I will definitely be pursuing my goal to see even more Broadway shows in the future, hopefully sooner rather than later. 

With a widening knowledge of musicals and a high interest in them, I was very excited to see Kiss Me, Kate.  Comparing to the previously mentioned shows, Kiss Me, Kate lacked greatly for me.  The talent was great, but to me, the play just lacked in holding my interest and creating the “awe” that I usually experience in musicals.  Most likely, I assume, it just wasn’t exactly for me.  Part of this reason may be that I have never read or seen Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew.  It was easy to follow without that background knowledge but perhaps it would have been more interesting and captivating of an audience who identified more with that part of the musical.  I’m not sure exactly why, but it was not a play that I am apt to pursue more about or see again.  I would not discourage others from seeing it because it is most likely just personal preference that kept me from really liking it.  That being said, I would still encourage others to explore their tastes in musicals and see it and broaden their musical experiences as I am, it’s a fascinating form of entertainment.  Even without much interest I am thankful to the English department for purchasing my ticket and am glad I attended.

The Art and The Arboretum

           Walking around The Arboretum this cold, crisp morning was not the first thing I would have normally planned to start my day but it turned out to be an awesome start to my Thursday.  It was so peaceful and actually felt really good to have that long walk so early in the morning.  It’s beautiful there and I can’t believe I didn’t take the opportunity to see it earlier in the year.  I’m extremely glad we did this together as a class activity because now I know where it is and what I wonderful place it would be to return to. 

Kristen and I walked around the concrete sidewalks and dirt paths, finding mysterious and unique little plants that caught our attention, like the tiny red blooms resembling chili peppers or the wavy, purple leaves that reminded me of saturated purple cabbage.  I loved experiencing all that was around me and having a peaceful time to just talk to Kristen and get to know her even better.  The walk was relaxing and made me see the beauty that surrounds us here at Penn State; sometimes it’s easily overlooked.

Another aspect of The Arboretum I enjoyed was the sundial.  I am wondering what the stones were around it, is that a way to read the time?  It’s intriguing because it’s something we don’t see nearly as often today.  I can’t wait to return next year to see the decorative gourds and vines that wrap around the archway that Sheila described. I think that would be beautiful.  The orange pumpkins were awesome! The huge pumpkins by the pavilion were magnificent; I wish I could carve one! Now I know that The Arboretum’s pumpkin festival is something I should have attended and most likely will attend next fall.

Experiencing The Arboretum this morning made me realize how lucky I am to be at such a great university.  Comparing my experiences to those I know from home, so much more is available to me here.  I am so thankful to be at main campus as a freshman because I have access to far more than I would at another campus and even the other universities I applied to.  I was very unsure at first but it is only the first semester and Penn State is already proving that it is the university for me and I will not regret my decision to come here.

While walking through gardens, all this was coming up in my mind, the beauty, the art and the thankfulness I was feeling.  Perfect for the month of Thanksgiving.  It’s a wonderful place that I would encourage anyone to visit, especially those interested in the arts or looking for inspiration.  The criteria in which Kristen and I discussed that made art was engaging the senses and then conveying, or executing emotions or inspiration into something thus creating a work of art.  I often think both the artist and the viewers define art, because art is different for everyone.  Together Kristen and I felt like engaging the senses was key because art does just that.  It engages one into a variety of feelings or emotions based on their senses, whether it is the visual of a painting, the sounds of music, the tastes of culinary creations, or the smells of plants and blooms arranged strategically to create a beautiful garden.  Art is everywhere, even at The Arboretum.